Arizona Auction League

PICK 'EM & SUICIDE POOL GUIDE
Hey, what were they like anyway? They looked pretty good, are they real? Are they built for speed or comfort? What'd you do with them? Motorboat? You play the motorboat? You motorboatin son of a bitch! You old sailor you!

Three side-games games are available during the season each with a cash prize: Survivor Pool, NFL Pick 'em, and Fantasy Pick 'em.  The Suicide Pool requires just one pick from you each week.  NFL Pick 'em requires you to follow the NFL and make 16 picks each week (which NFL team will win).  Fantasy Pick 'em is most difficult because you'll have to know each of our league's teams to get a sense of who will win.

How do I use the Survivor Pool page?
In a survivor pool, each owner picks the winner of a single NFL matchup for the upcoming week of the season.  Owners that choose correctly are allowed to predict the winner of the following week, while owners that make an incorrect pick are eliminated from this contest for future weeks.  The catch is that each owner may only pick each NFL team once over the course of the entire season.  For example, if an owner chooses the New England Patriots in week 1, he/she cannot select them again. The owner must pick the WINNER of an NFL game.  In the case of an NFL tie, neither team wins, so the owner is out of the survivor contest.

How do I use the NFL Pick'em page?
This style of play requires each owner to select the winner of each matchup.  The number of correctly predicted matchups are totaled each week. You MUST click on the Save Picks button in order to apply the new picks.

How do I use the Fantasy Pick'em page?
This style of play requires each owner to select the winner of each matchup.  The number of correctly predicted matchups are totaled each week. You MUST click on the Save Picks button in order to apply the new picks.

When are my pool picks due by?

• Survivor Pool: Your picks are due by kickoff of their individual games.
• NFL Pick'em: Your picks are due by kickoff of their individual games.
• Fantasy Pick'em: Your picks are due by kickoff of the first game of the week (sometimes Thursday!).

When are pool picks updated?

• Survivor Pool: picks get revealed for each franchise once the picked game kicks off.
• NFL Pick'em: picks are revealed for all franchises after each game kicks off
• Fantasy Pick'em: picks will be updated after Final Results for the week have run.

How do I win?

• Survivor Pool:  You win when everyone else is eliminated - this could last through to the playoffs.  Matt Black won in 2010 by picking correctly till Week 18, at which point he ran out of teams to pick due to the playoffs (second place only lasted till week 10).
• NFL Pick'em:  The owner that has picked the most games at the end of the NFL season (Superbowl) wins. In previous years you had to beat the all-time historical high score; that is no longer the case. Each year is separate, highest total wins. The all-time high scores are held by Emil K. (186 in 2011), Ashish A. (183 in 2009) and Nick D. (182 in 2011).
• Fantasy Pick'em:  The owner that has picked the most games at the end of the fantasy season (Week 16) wins. In previous years you had to beat the all-time historical high score; that is no longer the case. Each year is separate, highest total wins. The all-time high scores are held by Chris P. (190 in 2011), Emil K. (182 in 2011) and Nick D. (169 in 2011).

GAME DAY SOFTWARE
Is there any way you could lend me some money? Maybe twenty million dollars.

If the website's live updates page is too slow for you there is an alternative.  Faster comprehensive live scoring updates complete with audio notifying you of key moments in the game is available with MyFantasyLeague's Game Day.  It is a free PC program for live scoring updates that slices and dices the data from games and arranges them in a variety of tables.  Read the FAQ here and download it here.  You will get: fast updates, NFL games view, top performers view, touchdowns view, custom scoring rules, audio integration and  more.   

If you had previously downloaded the 2011 version of Gameday, be sure to use the "Options > Check For Gameday Program Updates" option to make sure you're running the latest version for the 2012 season. If that option doesn't work, then download and install it again from the above link. It will replace any existing copy that you have installed. Then after you have the 2011 program, you can use the "Options > Check for NFL Player and Schedule Updates" button before kickoff to make sure you have the latest player information in Gameday.

WIRELESS OPTIONS
There's only two things I hate in this world. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures and the Dutch.

If you would like to receive text message updates sent directly to your phone you can visit this link, input your number, and the site will send out live scoring updates at 3pm, 4:30pm, 6pm, 7:30pm and 10pm ET on Sundays.  Also, you will be notified of any trade proposals.   

If your wireless device has a web browser installed, just go to http://m.myfantasyleague.com/ and then enter our 5-digit league ID (40023), and press the "Search" button. This will take you to your league home page, and from there, you can choose the "Live Scoring" option.  There are also a reasonable number of available wireless apps:

• Several iPhone apps including MFL Mobile and MFL Platinum.
• Some Android apps with these two seemingly being the best: MFL Tracker and MFL Fantasy Football.
• A Blackberry app
• A Windows Phone app

HOW TO BID ON PLAYERS: THE WAIVER WIRE
"Illusion" Michael!  A "trick" is something a whore does for money... or candy.

CALENDAR
To visualize the pre-season and regular season blind bidding periods just look at the calendar.  If you have any questions, contact the commissioner!  Don't get caught with your pants down and some woman's underwear on your head because you didn't clarify questions you had. 

CRITICAL POINT 1:
The dollar value is the primary way to prioritize your picks. The highest dollar value bids will be processed first no matter where you rank them (i.e. you rank players using the "move-up" and "move-down buttons") in your submission.  For example, if your highest bid is $15 but you rank the player last in your list it will not matter.  The highest bid is processed first.

CRITICAL POINT 2:
If the dollar value is the same for a group of players then the "move-up" and "move-down" buttons prioritize your picks within that group.  For example, if you are bidding $8 on four players the first $8 player in your list will be processed first.

CRITICAL POINT 3: 
If you trip the roster-size (15 players per team) or a position-maximum (8 each for RB and WR; 4 each for QB, TE, PK or DST) limit none of your subsequent bids will be processed UNLESS you drop a player in one of your subsequent bids. For example, you may bid $10 on a player and be far and away the highest bidder in the league BUT if you had just won a player for $11 and therefore had 15 players the system will ignore your $10 bid and give the player to someone else.  For example, you are the highest bidder on a QB but the QB would be your fifth QB and therefore you will not be awarded the signal-caller unless you simultaneously drop another QB.

PRESEASON
Starting Tuesday, August 28th at midnight until Saturday, September 1st at 11:44PM EST you will be able to enter bids on free agents you want to acquire.  At 11:45PM EST on Saturday, September 1st you will be awarded free agents IF your bid was higher than anyone else attempting to secure the same player (or second highest if there are two players available).  Then from Sunday, September 2nd until Tuesday, September 4th at 11:44PM EST you will be able to enter bids on players for the final time prior to the NFL's first game (which is Wednesday, September 5th). 

PRESEASON TIE-BREAKERS
In case of a blind bid tie for a player the tie-breaker would be first-come, first-serve.  I do not like this tie-breaker because we are all busy and some of us will be able to enter a bid earlier than others simply because they happen to be free at that moment from work / family / life obligations.  Unfortunately, there is no other alternative at this time (we tried in 2011 and that lead to a big poop in a bag).

REGULAR SEASON
Waiver wire bidding periods will take place twice a week (visual calendar):

1. starting each Thursday at midnight and lasting till Saturday at 11:44PM EST;
2. starting each Sunday at midnight and lasting till Wednesday at 11:44PM EST.  

Successful waiver wire bids will be awarded twice a week: Wednesday at 11:45PM EST and Saturday at 11:45PM EST.  

REGULAR SEASON TIE-BREAKERS
The regular season tie-breakers are more equitable than first-come, first-serve.  In reverse order the tie-breaker awards the player to the 'worse' team.

INSTRUCTIONS
To bid on a player use the top menu: Management > General Manager's Actions > Add Player and follow these instructions:
1. From the "Player To Add" list, select the free agent you would like to pick up.
2. In the "Bid Amount" field, enter the dollar amount of your bid (without the dollar sign).
3. From the "Player To Drop" list, select the player from your roster that you would like to drop, assuming that you are able to pick up the desired player from step 1 above.
4. Click on the "Add to List" button.
5. Repeat the above steps for any pick you'd like to attempt.
6. You may remove a pick by clicking on the ""Remove from List" button.
7. See three critical points above regarding prioritizing your blind bids.
8. Email the commissioner with questions and/or post in the message board with questions.  Questions phrased in the form of a lewd limerick will be answered first.

BEST BIKINI 2013
One particle of unobtainium has a nuclear reaction with the flux capacitor — carry the two — changing its atomic isotoner into a radioactive spider. F--- you, science!

The Bikini - The Story of Humanity
Surprisingly the league office received comments this off-season that the Best Bikini contest has no redeeming intellectual or spiritual qualities. Did you know that the bikini dates back to the ancient Greeks? They invented democracy. How about the 4th century Roman mosaic from Villa Romana Del Casale depicting two women in bikinis? You got a problem with classical art? The bikini helped solve (partially) the fabric rationing mandate by the government during the war effort. Which war? I don't know. And until French engineer Louis Réard re-invented the bikini in 1946 nobody had even heard of France. The bikini is part of any well-rounded education of the classics, human struggle against evil, and international relations. I thought this was obvious to everyone.

Instructions
1. Click on each thumbnail to see the entire portfolio (for an example, 2012 champion Kate Upton's picture to the right).
2. Then click here to vote for the most intellectually profound Ms. Bikini 2013.

B R A C K E T : B A T T L E : B I K I N I
Sumptuous 16	Erogenous 8	Fervid 4	Torrid 2	Fervid 4	Erogenous 8	Sumptuous 16
WEEK 1 Bikini 01 Bikini 02	WEEK 9	WEEK 11	WEEK 13	WEEK 12	WEEK 10	WEEK 5 Bikini 09 Bikini 10
WEEK 2 Bikini 03 Bikini 04						WEEK 6 Bikini 11 Bikini 12
WEEK 3 Bikini 05 Bikini 06	WEEK 9				WEEK 10	WEEK 7 Bikini 13 Bikini 14
WEEK 4 Bikini 07 Bikini 08						WEEK 8 Bikini 15 Bikini 16

HOUSE BANNER
No, I don't like you. I think you're a fake cop. The sound of your piss hitting the urinal, it sounds feminine. If you were in the wild, I would attack you, even if you weren't in my food chain. I would go out of my way to attack you. If I were a lion and you were a tuna, I would swim out in the middle of the ocean and freaking eat you and then I'd bang your tuna girlfriend. 

BEST TEAM NAME AND/OR BANNER IN THE LEAGUE
A commonality across fantasy leagues is that owners name their team in some witty and/or vulgar manner:

• Somewhere Over The Dwaynebowe,
• Multiple Scoregasms,
• Vilma the Bounty Hunter,
• Rice Rice Baby,
• ABC Easy as RGIII or
• Farve Dollar Footlong.

This competition is to determine which team name and/or banner is the best in the league (I attempt to visually represent that team name with a team banner).  How you define "best" is up to you.  Last year's top four finishers are to the right.

POOL PLAY: WEEKS 1 - 2
There are 32 teams but the bracket has room for only 16.  Therefore, to whittle down to our final 16 banners the first two weeks are 'pool play'.  There are four groups with eight banners each.  The top four vote earners from each pool will move on to the final bracket.  You may vote for up to four teams per pool.  Yes, that means you pick your four favorite team names and/or banners out of every pool of eight teams.

BRACKET: WEEKS 3 - 13 
Once the final 16 names / banners are identified they will be slotted in the bracket and each week will feature a head-to-head battle.  The final week of the regular season (Week 13) will feature the name / banner championship.  

CLICK HERE TO VOTE

Pool A	Pool B	Pool C	Pool D

 

B R A C K E T : B A T T L E : N A M E & B A N N E R
Sweet 16	Elite 8	Final 4	Top 2	Final 4	Elight 8	Sweet 16
WEEK 3 Team 01 Team 02	WEEK 7	WEEK 11	WEEK 13	WEEK 12	WEEK 9	WEEK 5 Team 09 Team 10
WEEK 3 Team 03 Team 04						WEEK 5 Team 11 Team 12
WEEK 4 Team 05 Team 06	WEEK 8				WEEK 10	WEEK 6 Team 13 Team 14
WEEK 4 Team 07 Team 08						WEEK 6 Team 15 Team 16